How do you love someone so much you have never met? I am consumed by thoughts of Lila, I am constantly daydreaming about the day I will finally get to hold her in my arms. I wonder how it will feel to meet her for the first time, how long it will take before we see her beautiful smile, how long it will take for her to fall in love with her Mama who already loves her so much. The wait is hard, I mean really hard, I've done this twice before you would think I would be better prepared, but I'm not I want my daughter home now! I know she is being well cared for, I know that there are many, many people praying for her, yes this means more to me than I could ever express but I'm ready to get on with it. Rarely an hour goes by without thoughts of her, we have had months to prepare our hearts to bring her home, I wonder what she's going to think of us, her new family. I pray that God is working in her heart preparing her for a Mom and Dad, brothers and sisters. Adoption is such a beautiful wonderful thing but it is rooted in loss. One day soon we will take our dear daughter away from everything she knows and ask her to trust us, complete strangers. I know it's for the best, she will have the love of a family everyday for the rest of her life, she will have so many more opportunities here compared to her life in China as an orphan. But, not a day goes by that I don't think about what I am going to put her through so she can have a better life. I know this is God's plan for Lila, I know that He is ultimately in control and I believe that Lila's life will bring Him glory but no Mama likes to see her child hurt and sad and no Mama likes to be the cause.
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